The Sexless Uchiha
by Homely
Summary: The last of his own, Sasuke Uchiha had always been known for three things; His skills, his attitude, and his good looks. But when a 'little bird' starts picking on him for something he didn't even think about, how will he react? No pairing, stupid oneshot


**The Sexless Uchiha  
**  
The last of his own, Sasuke Uchiha had always been known for three things; His skills, his attitude, and his good looks. But when a 'little bird' starts to pick on him for something he didn't even think about, how will he react?  
Oneshot.

---

Sasuke Uchiha had always been known for three things; His skills, his attitude, and his good looks.

Those three things that he knew were very true. He was smart and powerful, with a bit of a sour attitude, and was certainly very good looking. Sasuke had known this his whole life, and had very much confidence. Yes, no one could bring him down.

He'd accomplished all his goals in life; Revenge on Itachi, which resulted in him seeking revenge on Konoha, which then resulted him in seeking revenge on Danzou, which _then _resulted on him seeking revenge on Madara Uchiha... Which then, _finally, _ended his feelings of revenge. The things he'd worked for his whole life were done, adding another very cocky layer to Sasuke's personality.

He was just great. No one could defeat him, and no one could stand in his way.

But instead of becoming some sort of world renowned villian (which he was perfectly capable of), Sasuke returned to his Villiage in the Leaves. The Hokage wasn't easily forgiving, but somehow Sasuke had managed to be reatmitted.

And so, the all mighty and all knowing Uchiha made his living in Konoha as any ordinary ninja would. He was now a Jounin, and on his way to becoming an Anbu. Natrually, it was only a matter of time.

Sasuke walked through Konoha, smirking to himself as he thought these marvellous thoughts. _I'm so awesome. _He told himself. Today, he making his way to Ichiraku Ramen for some lunch with his teammates. Sasuke may have been **totally awesome, **but he still had some time to eat with friends.

"Hello dobe, Sakura, Sai." He greeted Team Seven, swiftly grabbing the empty seat next to Naruto.

"How are you, Sasuke-Kun?" Sakura asked with genuine interest. She knew what he would say.

"Good." He replied, as expected. You see, everyday Team Seven would meet up at lunch. Everyday, Sakura would ask 'how are you, Sasuke-Kun?' and everyday he would reply with a simple 'good'. The rosette konoichi did not see this behavior as rude, in fact, one of the things Sakura liked most about Sasuke was how he could be a 'man of few words', and make it sound so cool.

"I'm training later teme," Naruto began, taking a break from devouring his ramen, "You in?"

He silently delclined, shaking his head. "My team _needs _me to assist them with training." He informed, cockiness lacing his voice. Sasuke made sure to ephasize 'needs'. He's a very important man, you know. "Shouldn't you be training your team...?" The Uchiha pointed out matter-of-factly.

"Oh, right." The blond jounin grinned sheepishly. "Guess I forgot..."

"Dobe." Sasuke scoffed with a roll of his eyes.

"Virgin." Naruto retorted, taking everybody by surprise. Sakura gaped, and the teams eyes fell upon the blond. Even Sai, who had been silently eating, noticed this remark. Sasuke looked at Naruto, his expression twisted with confusion.

"What?" He inquired, one eyebrow raised.

A smile tugged at Naruto's lips. "You heard me."

Sasuke stared blankly at his friend, but only for a moment. "I'm not sure if I heard you correctly." He said. "Repeat yourself, dobe."

"As you wish, _queen." _Naruto mocked. "Virgin." He said, immediately recieving a smack from Sakura. She shot him daggers, her expression asking 'what the hell are you doing!?'. Naruto ignored her death glares, and glued his blue orbs to Sasuke's black.

"V-Virgin?" Sasuke stammered, for the first time in his life completely speechless at one of his dobe teammate's lame insults.

Naruto nodded with a smirk. Finally, it was his turn to be the cocky one. "Va, va virgin." He sang.

Sasuke's left eye twitched. "What is that supposed to mean." He demanded, beginning to get just a bit angry.

"Don't act stupid, Sasuke."

"You're the stupid one, dobe."

"Virgin."

"Stop that."

"Virgin."

"Would you shut up?"

"Virgin."

"How would you even know?"

Naruto's ears perked up, a sudden glint of mischeif appearing in his eyes. "Oh? How would I know? Because you are one, thats why!"

"Um, prove it." Sasuke ordered, sounding very uncertain of himself.

"Do I even need to?" Naruto turned to Sakura and Sai. "I mean its true, isn't it? Sasuke-teme is a virgin!"

Sakura blushed, and Sai shrugged.

"See!" He exclaimed, turning back to Sasuke. "Virgin, virgin, virgin."

In all honesty, the raven haired ninja had never been so tempted to punch Naruto in the face. Never. He actually had to hold himself back. "S-Shut up." He said. "As if you're not one."

Another self-absorbed grin passed Naruto's lips. "I'm most certainly not." He said, still that grin on his lips. "Been dating Hinata for two years now, teme."

Sasuke's face fell. "...Oh. Well, well...!"

"Face it Sasuke-Teme, or should I say, Sasuke-_virgin... _Ou, or how about, Sasuke 'Doesn't Get the Ladies' Uchiha!"

"Naruto, shut up, before I hurt you." Sasuke warned, clenching his fists.

"Sasuke 'Can't Get Laid' Uchiha..."

"I'm not kidding. Shut. The. Hell. Up."

"Mr. Never Had Sex, The Sexless Uchiha, Virgin Mary--"

_Smash...!_

It had been a long while since Sasuke had actually been so annoyed, to actually punch Naruto. He couldn't remember the last time he'd done it, but at that moment, he didn't even care. As Naruto lay on the ground, the Uchiha decided to finish him off by pouring a bowl of hot ramen on his head.

"Sasuke-Kun!" Sakura tried to intercept, but it was too late. With a _splash, _a _sizzle, _and of course, a _scream, _the steaming hot soup was poured onto the beached Naruto, instantly burning his skin.

"I may be a virgin, but I'm still **way cooler than you**."

And with that, Sasuke walked away.

* * *

**Author's note: **Lmfao so, I was bored. I'm perfectly aware that its stupid, thats kind of the point! But, I hope you liked it well enough:P. I was originally going to make Sasuke embark on some magical journey for whatever fucked up reason, but I got lazy (:.

**Review please! :D**


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